Guest Blog: Charlamagne the God & Rape Culture by Kiana Chambers

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A couple weeks ago The Breakfast Club held a discussion on their morning show about rape culture and moral honestly. Charlamagne starts the podcast off by giving himself “donkey of the day” for not realizing the severity and reality of rape culture sooner. He then goes on to rattle off a list of things that we (yes we that includes me, you, ya daddy and ya momma too) ALL grew up on with regards to rape culture.  He rattles off all forms of rape culture from touching a girls butt at Freak-Nik to “running a train” on a girl without her consent. He talks about movies like Revenge of the Nerds and how a lot of rape culture was used to validate a mans “manliness or cool factor”. However, he makes sure to emphasize that no matter how big or small the incident was, it was all WRONG. He says “If we are being personally accountable and morally honest” we will reveal that a lot of men were raised on rape culture.

But what I liked the most about this podcast was that not only does he condemn himself, his friends, and our black brothers for adhering and embracing rape culture but he then turns the conversation to something constructive and asks people to call in with solutions.

The first caller is so oblivious about rape culture, that he calls in to say that he did not grow up “on all of that” but he “grabbed a couple asses or something.” Completely ignoring the fact that this IS in fact a part of rape culture.

I think this podcast was powerful because rape culture is no longer something we have to tip-toe around or whisper about. Unfortunate as it is, it’s a part of all of us, from the men who have carried it out to the women who have allowed it to continue. The sooner we acknowledge it’s existence the sooner we can start to dismantle it and build a better future not only for our women but for our society as a whole.

It’s nice to know that people are finally starting to get it.

It’s all apart of #TheNewParadigm.

Share your own relection on Charlamagne’s powerful message after watching the video below:

Know Yourself, Know Your Limits… a Drake Verse

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As I mentioned in my previous post, I went out with one of my best friends, Jade. As we didn’t actually leave the house until after midnight and everything in Pittsburgh closes, we went somewhere close by to get drunk in our bummy fits. It was the night of Black Friday so there were tons of people out. We left the more…. diverse part of town to go to the hob-knob Shadyside area to a bar called William Penn Tavern.

a view of william penn tavern

I drank two whiskey sours and two shots of, yes you guessed it, Jameson. The whiskey sours were like a double so I guess I drank four.

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The yellow drink was mine. I couldn’t tell you what that blue thing was.

So what did I eat to cover all this liquor? An hour prior to this girls night out, I had 4 good spoonfuls of taco salad about an hour prior. Earlier that day, around maybe 3 pm I ate Uncle Sam’s Sub chicken cheese steak with fries and sweet potato fries. As you can guess, the little I had on my stomach equaled me being tore up. To top it all off, I left the bar at 2 Am to then go eat ramen noodles– nasty, cheap and inedible. I threw it up.

ramen noodles

these are the horrid ramen noodles… never again

And this started my 24-hour bout with throwing up bile.


Here, is the Drake Verse- my sad sad song I sang to anyone who listened. No one cared because I am 21 and should know better…. you would think I would, but nah. So I lay with my head in the toilet deciding that if God let me off the hook, I would give up the drinking craft.

I tell this story so someone else out there looking to have a fun Friday night won’t make the same mistake. Eat quality, wholesome food like bread, steak, green ruffage. Drink water. And never ever eat after a drunken night especially not no cheap noodles.

Also, this is a lesson to know your limits personally as well. Telling people no and doing what’s best for you especially when you know your plate is already full. For example, I knew I had lots of homework and couldn’t afford a hangover, but I let Jade talk me into drinking hahahaha (it’s not Jade fault I just like pickin on her).

I still rep Jamo in a Wine Glass all day… but I may need to take a lil breather from partaking in the Jamo part, just in time for finals season.

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A screenshot before I knew how big of L I would take.

THANKS-GIVING

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I went home to Pittsburgh for Turkey Day. While I was traveling on my 6.5 hour bus ride, I realized that this exact time last year was the last time I saw my Aunt Jackie, one of the matriarchs of my family. This was the first Thanksgiving without her… so crazy. All I could think about after was I must be cute for the holiday as my Aunt Jackie was always jazzy and so full of life no matter how sick she was.

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Thank you GOD for letting me spend time with my family and friends before coming back to finish out the semester. My spirit needed that.

These pictures are of my family (aunts, uncles, great cousins, cousins, sister and grandparents) and friends from forever till forever (Jade from age 5 and Mariah from age 11).

Love You Aunt Jackie RIP.

P.S. I’m never going out with Jade again because she had me throwing up bile for an entire day…. sorry if that’s TMI but find out more in my next blog “Know Yourself Know Your Limits… a Drake Verse”.

Your blood= your family and they generally do want the best for you. But, not all of them and not all of the time. Keep that in mind. Also, keep in mind that things that they are dealing with or they regret can easily be projected on to you and your life and your journey…. try not to let that happen.

theshaderoom own people

It really be your own people sometimes bringing you down. The moral of the story is: everybody who you call your mans, is not reallllly your mans. And every opinion you receive or advice you get, doesn’t need to be used by you at all or at least at that moment. Take what people say with a grain of salt because you are the only one who can truly see the vision. BE YOURSELF, and if you don’t know who that is yet BE WHOEVER YOU WANT TO BE.

kehlani be yourself

I promise this is the only way to live.

jamo

Well. It is officially winter time. Woohooo!!! Bust out the furs or the faux furs for those of us who are either A) Broke AF and can’t afford a real fur, B) Work for PETA, or C) Broke AF so they pretend they are animal lovers so people won’t find out.

The only issue with winter time is that it means it is unfortunately cuffing season.(For those that don’t know, cuffing season is when you find a nice temporary bae to keep you occupied for the winter months; they ultimately get dropped when it gets warm so one is free to be a “hoe” again). Now, I say it is unfortunate because for those of us (cough, me, cough) that aren’t already taken we now must go out and hunt for someone to tend to us, coddle us, and basically be our full-time buddy during the brisk months of the year. No one likes to go hunting when its cold: it’s not as easy to get out the house, it is harder to look cute, and less people are out so there is a smaller pool of people to choose from.

Thus, if you are like me cuffing szn really is lonely szn and I ended up tending, coddling and buddy-ing up with myself. Luckily, I found a huge teddy bear to be my bae and a gallon of Jameson to keep my warm.

Here it is below for any of my followers who wants to bless me during this giving season:

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Do You Ever Ask Yourself Why Me?

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How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
    How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
    and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
    How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
    Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
    and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love;
    my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the Lord’s praise,
    for he has been good to me.

Dear anyone who cares,

I am going to be honest I have had a shitty couple of days- primarily due to people treating me unfairly. As I have been going through the motions I have been reflecting on times when my spirit has been broken down. I will describe a situation below:

Last year during a case interview, my interviewer, after I performed the case took it upon himself to critique pretty much everything about me from the way I sat to my face all the way to my background. I was shocked because before I started the interview he made a comment along the lines of, “I’ve heard good things but we shall see how you do with me”. I guess I should have known then. I literally was holding back tears and fled the interview crying for hours. It was crazy because I ended up getting the offer but I can still remember how horrible this man made me feel. During the internship, I ran into the man who did my interview and said “hi, I’m Catherine. You conducted my case interview at Howard University. I’m happy to say I chose to work here”. He responds by saying, “Oh that’s nice. Good luck. I’m sorry I don’t remember you I interview a lot of people”. Now, I don’t know if he was lying or not, but either way it made me realize something. We cannot internalize the negative things people do or say to us because they could care less. He ruined my day, killed my spirit and made me feel less than meanwhile he went on about his day and his life. This situation happened over a year ago and I still get upset about it while this man doesn’t even know who I am.


For me, I have been feeling very down and out lately. I feel very lost and unmotivated. I am petrified for what is to come next and this is being expressed by my lack of desire to be dedicated to school, work, anything really. I am scared of the future and frustrated with the present all while still fantasizing about my most daring and fulfilling dreams.

I am tired of feeling confined and as if there’s nowhere in this world where I can just be me, unapologetically raw and unfiltered. I am exhausted of having to explain myself and to be put on some unrealistic pedestal while my peers get to walk through life blissfully. It is unfair and I wonder if these people knew how they made me feel if they would just STOP. Literally STOP. Sometimes I wonder if I did something drastic would anyone care or would they still be talking shit… I don’t know and I love God too much to test him but sometimes the darkness that clouds my thoughts takes over me and I don’t know what to do.


I am writing this not as a cry for help but as a way for me to release. I know that I am not the only person who feels this way or gets this way. I truly wish I didn’t get these thoughts, feelings or internalized bullies and negative and mean people but I do. I don’t know how to fix it. If you do please share how you get through these things. Ugh

Why me?

– Sober thoughts

Tip of the Week: Bring Your Joy from the Weekend into your Weekdays

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This morning I woke up and thought “dang… I wish it was still Sunday”. I’m sure a lot of you woke up with that feeling too. Afterwards, I also thought how different my school week would go if I brought the same energy into the week as I do the weekend. I have never tried this before but I will give it a shot and report back to yall.

I charge you guys to do the same. Leave me a comment to tell me how this worked for you.

Tip of the Week: Hard work= Success

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“I wake up at 8 AM and go to bed at 4 AM. I am always working.”- Sean “Diddy” Combs

I started this week off with the desire to just be better. I cannot lie, senioritis has been getting me and I literally am unmotivated entirely. But, after attending an event with the CEO of Consumer Banking at JP Morgan Chase, Doug Petno, I felt revived. He said “I never had any real career goals, let alone become a CEO. I just put my head down, knew and did as much as I possibly could to do my job the best I could”. It sounds so simple, right? I found that a lot of successful people have this same story. Diddy said every job he had from cleaning gas station bathrooms to his two-year unpaid internship and now as a CEO, he wanted to be the best and leave people feeling impressed by the work he did.

Success comes from treating every job, task, duty with pride and attention to detail.

I know it’s Hump Day, but remind yourself to work hard– there’s no substitute for it. It is really the best differentiator between you and your competition.

What’s motivating you this week?

jamo

This post is dedicated to last week and all of its glory.

No, but seriously, this post is for everyone who said “school sucks, life sucks, I have been duped”, in that order. If that was you last week, you deserve a glass of wine because “walah”, you’ve made it a new week! If this wasn’t you, well, all you get is a thumbs up because no one likes a shiner.

Sometimes I genuinely think I am being punk’d; I seriously yell out “alright yall, I know you are punkin’ me, where’s Ashton Kutcher?”. Whenever I feel this way, I realize I have to readjust my attitude because if not life will be punkin’ me, and instead I need to punk life. Meaning, I will always come out on top because I will be relentless in completing a task or goal. Diddy taught me during CBC weekend, dedication and preparation are what set you apart and if you look like money, that’s what you attract. I translate this to work really hard and allow yourself to fail while looking your best and being as positive as possible.

Finally, I will leave you with this tidbit of wisdom from the show, A Different World:

“I may have been born in the slums. But the slums weren’t born in me. I can rise above my circumstance”. – Rev. Jesse Jackson

*CBC is the Congressional Black Caucus and Diddy needs no explanation.

No Chaser: Episode 001 Midget Mac

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Cheater, cheater punkin eater! If you were on social media at all this weekend, you couldn’t help but watch Kevin Hart’s life implode by way of one of his “mistakes”. Not quite sure how you slip in fall in vagina over and over again, but hey, who am I. I know I am gonna sound very cynical, but I am tired and these stories always get under my skin.

Now, I know some of you may be thinking: Men cheat, this is not a new concept. Why are people so worked up about this specific case?”. First of all, we need to stop excusing poor behavior with generalizations- men, nor women, should be cheating in the first place. And in terms of this specific couple, this trainwreck was bound to happen due to a series of social media blunders. If you have been out of the loop, I will catch you up– grab some Jameson though because this is a mess.

  • First, Kevin Hart has been a cheater: he cheated on his ex-wife, Torrei, a LOT but blamed it on him being 22.
  • One of Kevin Harts mistresses is his now wife, Eniko aka “my rib”. She recently had an IG showdown with Torrei. The following video details it all.
  • Now fast forward to the last month where there was a consistent buzz that Kevin was cheating again but Kevin denied and even said people are always mad that a woman is happy ending it with #teamLOVE like Diddy was giving him a check or something.
  • So here we are today, one of the people Kevin stepped out with is attempting to extort him for millions after she shopped the video and pictures she took to the blogs. The video is blurry but you can hear and see people having sex, then a short Black man that favors Kevin gets up and starts talking. #onceacheateralwaysacheater

 

Its sad to say, but I don’t feel bad for Eniko. You lose em, how you got em, sis! That formula wins every time- we saw it with Bradgelina and I’m still waiting on Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz.

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How do yall feel? Would you stay with your partner or in the age of social media, would the public humiliation be too much to bear? Let’s chat in the comments.